I had swine flu and it wasn't fun. Here's what you should know about it.

1. You’re not going to die—probably. Although my first instinct was to freak out, a lifetime of being an over-entitled suburban dweller has left me in robust health. Chances are if you go to Mizzou, you’re going to be in somewhat good shape, too, so you’ll be fine.

2. That being said, its gonna suck for the first two days: fever, chills, dizziness. It hits like a brick. If you can get past that, it’ll be some smooth sailing.

3. Recovering at home rocks. Nothing in this world beats a warm, comfy bed, mom’s chicken soup and cookies and a quiet place to relax when you’ve got an illness as serious as swine flu. Contrast this with your average night in the dorms replete with Mizzou broletarians bumping Drake from their subwoofers and asshole roommates. Mildly amusing normally, but painful when you’re sick.

4. You have an iPhone: use it. Nobody likes a sick person in line, especially a person with swine flu, since your cough will be unusually harsh and obnoxious. Luckily for you, more and more places like Starbucks and Chipotle have iPhone apps for ordering at home and picking up at the counter. Just plug a credit card number in (could be mom’s) and go. Don’t forget to call beforehand and tell them you’re ordering electronically.

5. Tamiflu might make you trip balls—no, seriously, the side effects of this flu-fighting drug can be worse than the swine flu itself. Japan, which devours nearly 60 percent of all tamiflu produced in the world, reported 18 deaths potentially caused by tamiflu’s hallucinogenic effects among children and adolescents. My own experience wasn’t too traumatic, but on my third day of dosing on it, a raccoon or something in the gutters made me think someone was crawling out of my mattress.

6. Watch TV in bed. If you’re too deathly ill to get out of bed but don’t want to miss the game, EPSN 360 will stream real ‘murcan pigskin straight to your laptop. Watch NBC reruns with their Hulu app. Also, most networks have their own websites where you can stream shows.

7. Take the full week to recover. Just because swine flu isn’t the most lethal bug doesn’t mean it can’t be a huge nuisance. Do your part to prevent this from being a Big Problem on campus by chilling for at least a week before you return to classes. It can be communicable even after your symptoms disappear.

8. Don’t lie about it just to get out of class. Missing a week intentionally is probably one of the worst things you could do.

9. Watch out for lung scarring. Unlike other flus that leave without any lasting symptoms swine flu has the possibility to saddle your lungs with some serious damage. My lungs were aching for awhile at the rec because of this, maybe.

10. Above all, stay safe, and be glad you don’t have bird flu, TB or any of the other multiple antibiotic resistant bugs so prevalent in modern life.