You have two cows. They get in a horrible cow racing accident and are left paralyzed. You can rebuild them; you have the technology. You receive a $2 billion grant from the United States government to begin Project Omega. You use the money to create the billion dollar cow, able to leap small buildings in a single bound. However Cow One quickly realizes his superior power and attacks the facility, threatening to reveal the top secret project. Cow Two comes to the rescue in an epic battle spanning the globe. The project is abandoned. You sell the movie rights to the battle. Congratulations!

Each week, Free Tiger cartoonist A.J. Fillo will explain how one of Mizzou's schools works with the help of cows. More MU cows:
Trulaske Business School cows